On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize