then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
