I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
