I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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