I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
