I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
