Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Drake has all the answers
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
