wanna go halves on a baby?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
