dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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