fuck your aforementioned shoe
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
