Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
