hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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