I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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