so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Randomize
