he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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