Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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