oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
