I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
