Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
