I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
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she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i drank out of a bidet.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
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he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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