the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
