apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
