Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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