What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
