I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
