The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
