I love black thongs
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
