anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
