I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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