I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
