Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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