It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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