There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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