Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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