Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
