In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
