no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
