he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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