problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Randomize
