so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Your cock deserves a montage
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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