Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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