just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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