Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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