Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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