2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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