How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
