How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
