she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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