I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
