Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
