you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
