the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
