just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
