theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
