Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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