Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
