I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
