Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
