I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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