You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
