wakey wakey hands off snakey
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
