Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I AM VODKA MAN
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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