awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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