Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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