oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
