oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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