he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
