WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
