You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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