It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
