Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You can't special order awesome
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
two words: eviction party
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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