I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
