Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
