Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
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