Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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