pop tarts are not kleenex
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
