i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
