ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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