TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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