Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
