I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
