I checked into jail on foursquare
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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