You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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