just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
