great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
