ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
