my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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