Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
