ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
