I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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