just come out here and I will go home with you...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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