You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
