Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
